Monday, 10 October 2016

SURPRISE!! Tijuana Donkey Showdown - Cover Reveal!

Well it looks like the cat is out of the bag. I have no idea how that could possibly have happened!

I didn’t give anything away! I suspect there is a spy in the ranks somewhere intercepting my private messages. There is no other way people could have known!

I really do despair.

Anyway, now the secret is out, Mr. Adam Howe would like to tell you all about his new book, Tijuana Donkey Showdown and let you see, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, the wonderful cover. I have absolutely no idea what it is about because I have never, ever in my life heard that phrase before, honest gov!

If you have never read Adam Howe before then I can only suggest you check out my review of Die Dog or Eat the Hatchet, here, or my interview with him here, to see what he is all about.

Once you do that, then pay very close attention to the pre-order news further down the page and get yourself prepared to hit the important pages to do just that and pre-order this little gem, which promises to be another big hit.

Go Mr. Adam Howe……….

(Mr Howe clears throat)..........

Thank you Mr Murray.

As you’ve probably guessed from the title, Tijuana Donkey Showdown is a wholesome children’s book about the rivalry between a pair of adorable jackasses at a Mexican petting zoo…

Just fucking with you.

It’s as worrisome as it sounds.

But I won’t rule out writing a children’s book some day. If you were to remove the sleazy sex and depraved violence from my work, there’s still a lot for a child to enjoy. And I aim to test this theory on my newborn daughter, Georgia Mae. If she grows up to be a basket case, I’ll hold my hands up and admit I was wrong.

For the innocents among you – yeah, right – who would claim not to know what a ‘donkey show’ is – obviously this excludes Nev – let me clue you in: It’s a live sex show involving a gal and a jackass.

Because sometimes Spearmint Rhino isn’t enough.

A ‘donkey show’ is also the term used to describe a fucked-up situation.

And in Tijuana Donkey Showdown, that’s exactly the kinda situation my character Reggie Levine finds himself in.

Tijuana Donkey Showdown is the (ahem) eagerly awaited sequel to Damn Dirty Apes from my Die Dog or Eat the Hatchet collection, in which I continue the misadventures (or prolong the misery) of my unlikely hero: ex-boxer turned strip club bouncer turned ‘skunk ape’ slayer, Reggie Levine.

In Damn Dirty Apes, Reggie led a misfit posse on a backwoods safari to rescue the local high school football mascot, Boogaloo Baboon, from an oversexed skunk ape, and stumbled across a gang of meth-cooking bikers.

As Reggie himself admits:

“Probably that sounds a little strange to you? Well, no shit. I was there and I still struggle to believe it really happened.”

When we catch up with Reggie in Tijuana Donkey Showdown, the events of Apes have since been adapted into a critically panned Video on Demand motion picture directed by Uwe Boll and starring Academy Award winner Nicolas Cage as Reggie. (I can neither confirm nor deny rumours that Mr. Cage makes an explosive, gotta-read-it-to-believe-it cameo in Tijuana Donkey Showdown.) Reggie has become a local celebrity in his small town of Bigelow, Arkansas, and is much in demand as a yokel troubleshooter, or a one-man A-Team, as he puts it.

When a seedy used-car salesman named Harry Muffet recruits Reggie to retrieve his prize Chinese crested terrier from a fleapit roadside zoo, where the ugly fucking show dog has been mistaken for the chupacabra, Reggie soon finds himself embroiled in a deadly criminal conspiracy involving neo-Nazi drug smugglers, a wannabe serial killer, an ornery Vietnam veteran, a badass veterinarian, and a freakishly endowed adult entertainment donkey named Enrique.  (And maybe, maybe not Nicolas Cage; I simply cannot say.)

Pretty much business as usual for Reggie Levine.

There’s not a lot more I can tell you without giving away spoilers…

So how about we drop the curtain on some art?

The cover for my previous book, Die Dog or Eat the Hatchet, was so well received, that this one really had to be special. I kept seeing the work of this ‘Mike Tenebrae’ dude on my Facebook feed. I understand that Mike is a friend of Confessions! So you don’t need me to tell you how crazy talented this guy is. I didn’t have much in the way of an art budget, but I figured there was no harm in reaching out to him, even if only for future reference. To my surprise, Mike dug my pitch for a ‘video box art’-style poster, agreed to work in exchange for glamour shots of myself in compromising poses, and created something that exceeded my giddy expectations. This led to Comet Press commissioning Mike for the cover design, and again, he knocked it out of the park. So, big props to Mike; he’ll be my first port of call as and when I write that children’s book.

Tijuana Donkey Showdown is now available for pre-order in advance of a December 9th release. Plenty of time for those of you who haven’t read Damn Dirty Apes in the Die Dog or Eat the Hatchet collection to get yourselves up to speed. Between now and then, I’ll be sharing early reviews as part of my promotion.

Like these, from Messrs. James Newman and Pete Kahle:

"It would be easy to say that Adam Howe writes like Lansdale on meth, or like '80s action-movie icon Shane Black on crack, so I won't say that. I will say that I have yet to read anything by Howe that didn't have me laughing so hard I wondered more than once as I flipped the pages if I might have sprained something vital inside of me. He's done it again with TIJUANA DONKEY SHOWDOWN. The only thing I hate about this guy's books is the fact that, as soon as I finish one, there's not another I can start right away. Dammit."

James Newman (author of UGLY AS SIN, ODD MAN OUT, and ANIMOSITY)

"Adam Howe has oodles of insane talent. His latest offering, TIJUANA DONKEY SHOWDOWN, is the perfect follow-up to DAMN DIRTY APES. It reads like the script of the greatest B-movie ever, written by the unholy offspring of Joe R. Lansdale and Jeff Strand, and directed by Uwe Boll. Howe is a purveyor of beautiful, ridiculous violence, and I hope the misadventures of Reggie Levine continue for a long time."

Pete Kahle (award-winning author of THE SPECIMEN)

If that doesn’t whet your appetite – tough crowd – I would ask you to look closely at this picture of my daughter Georgia Mae, and consider that, much to my surprise as a new parent, babies require food and clothing; I would hate for you to be complicit in her neglect. So please, pre-order generously.

PS. Some of you may be wondering: How far did I take my research? Did I actually witness a live donkey show in preparation for this book, in order to give my readers the gritty realism they have come to expect from the author of titles like Jesus In A Dog’s Ass and Of Badgers & Porn Dwarfs? Alas, I was unable to attend a live donkey show; although Gabino Iglesias assures me the offer remains open when I next visit the States. However, in the name of art, I did investigate this particular paraphilia at notorious bestiality website, Rustler. The site has since been shut down pending the outcome of a lawsuit issued by Larry Flynt. Curious parties should contact me personally for the video(s). But rest assured I was thorough in my research. And that it was not my proudest wank.

PPS. After the Damn Dirty Apes controversy, I was mindful not to anger any other factions of the cryptozoological community. I’m pleased to report that I’ve yet to hear a peep from the C.D.L aka the Chupacabra Defamation League. This may change when Tijuana Donkey Showdown is translated into Spanish.

Tijuana Donkey Showdown is not fully available for pre-order in advance of a December 9 release, as yet.

As soon as it is though, Confessions will let you know in a style Mr Cage would be very proud of!

Book Synopsis:

Reggie Levine, ex-boxer turned bouncer, and hapless hero, has barely recovered from his ordeal in Damn Dirty Apes, when he is called back to action. Recruited to a retrieve a Chinese crested terrier from a fleapit roadside zoo, where the ugly effing show dog has been mistaken for the chupacabra, Reggie finds himself embroiled in a deadly criminal conspiracy involving neo-Nazi drug smugglers, a seedy used-car salesman, a wannabe serial killer, an ornery Vietnam veteran, a badass veterinarian, a freakishly endowed adult entertainment donkey named Enrique, and in an explosive cameo, an Academy Award winning Hollywood icon.

From Adam Howe, writer of Die Dog or Eat the Hatchet, Black Cat Mojo, and the winner of Stephen King’s On Writing contest, comes another slice of pulp Southern crime, 80s action, pop Americana, and pitch-black comedy.

Adam Howe writes the twisted fiction your mother warned you about. A British writer of fiction and screenplays, he lives in London with his partner, their daughter, and a hellhound named Gino.

Writing as Garrett Addams, his short story Jumper was chosen by Stephen King as the winner of the international On Writing contest, and published in the paperback/Kindle editions of King’s memoir.

His fiction has appeared in places like Nightmare Magazine, Thuglit, Mythic Delirium, and Year’s Best Hardcore Horror Volume 1.  He is the author of Tijuana Donkey Showdown, and two novella collections, Die Dog or Eat the Hatchet, and Black Cat Mojo.

In the pipeline: the occult thriller Scapegoat, co-written with James Newman, a horror/crime collaboration with Adam Cesare, and 80s action throwback, One Tough Bastard.

And for more about Adam, visit his site or find him on social media:

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